Vintery, mintery, cutery, corn,
Apple seed and apple thorn,
Wire, briar, limber lock,
Three geese in a flock.
One flew East,
One flew West,
And one flew over the cuckoo's nest.
I'm sorry I haven't been posting. Not since the incident. I've been in the hospital. My wound, where I had cut myself to feel inside, it hadn't closed like before. I almost bled out before the paramedics found me. Still, I was in the hospital for a while.
When the doctors say that the wound was self-inflicted, they made me talk to a shrink. I didn't tell him the real reason I cut myself, nor why I had so many scars, so he probably thought I was suicidal. He proscribed some drugs, but I don't need them.
"Hollow, might as well be dead." That's how Amy put it on my last post. And it's true. I can't feel their brightness anymore. I can't feel the air as they soar or the tingle of their electricity. I will never experience them again.
And I keep asking myself: why? The Carrier said something about a failed experiment. That the Bright Ones - the Convocation was cleaning up after a failed experiment. I thought about Nightjar and him becoming a Camper just to get away from the pain. But why kill Kestrel and Tern? Why leave me human?
And then it came to me: the Carrier said that they sought to eradicate "those who knew." Not those who knew the experiment. Those who "knew."
Those who knew me.
I'm the experiment. A "failed" experiment. Not an experiment that failed, but an experiment in failure.
I failed at being a Nest. The Convocation left me. But they are still watching me. Seeing what I do. Seeing how long it will take before...what? I take my own life? Before I jump off a building just to experience that momentary feeling of flight again? Or do they want me to still serve them, to kill for them?
Screw them. I may be an experiment in failure, but I will not give them what they want. I'm not a cuckoo bird.
It's time to leave the hospital now.
It's time to go outside.
It's time to fly the coop.