wrong

i did something wrong, i know i did. thats why they left. i did something wrong.

what did i do? i did everything they told me to, i followed those people until i couldnt i tried i tried my hardest.

'sometimes your best just isnt good enough.' my mom used to say that. i would bring home a b or a c grade and she would lock me in my room until i studied. she would say 'you can do better. youre just lazy. lazy lazy lazy. lets see how lazy you can be without dinner.'

i killed her. is that why they are mad at me? she had a heart attack and i waited until she stopped breathing before calling 911. i watched her as she watched me just sitting there.

two weeks later, a nest approached me. they had seen what i had done. i didnt want to go to foster care and they said they could take me away. they could take me to a place where i would be free. where i could see what they saw, feel what they felt. the bright ones.

they were so bright when i went there. it hurt, but i focused on the light, on the lightning. and afterwards, i felt wonderful. i felt like i would never be alone again.

but now they are gone and i am empty. hollow.

they must be mad at me.

i must have done something wrong.

what did i do?