Nightjar

I found Nightjar. Blood of the Bright Ones, I found him.

I knew it was foolish of me, but I didn't care. I went back to the old house, I looked at its burned remains. And that where I saw him. He was inside the burned out husk of a house, sitting on the soot-covered floor.

I went inside. "Nightjar? What happened? Where have you been?"

He didn't answer me. He had his eyes closed.

"Nightjar?" I crept closer to him.

Then he spoke: "It took me a while. To get up the courage. I didn't want to do it, but I had to. I had to do it, don't you see?"

"Do what?" I asked. "Are you...are you responsible for the attack?"

"No," he said. "But I suspect they were after me."

"Why?"

Without opening his eyes, he pulled out a syringe from his pocket. "Because of this." I knew what it was. Before he even said it, I knew what it was. "Ink."

"I took it," he said. "It hurt so much. Every time I let them out. I thought the hurt would go away, but it didn't. It always hurt. Do you know how long I have been hurting? You were lucky, you got to stay on the Shore. I was sent back here almost immediately. I've been hurting for years. I've stored up so much hurt I couldn't take it anymore."

"So you, what, want to become a Camper?"

"I don't want to be a Nest," he said. He opened his eyes and I could see the pain in his eyes. "But I knew I couldn't leave. Not without dying. Not without becoming empty. So the Ichor was my only choice. It'll keep me alive."

"But you won't be," I said. "Alive. You'll be part of it. Part of the Camper."

"But I won't hurt, will I?" Nightjar said. He closed his eyes again. "That's my obsession, it seems. My own pain. But soon it won't matter. I'll just go to a place with lots of people and drink more ink until the hurt stops. Until I stop." He smiled. "So go run along, little Cuckoo. Go back and tell everyone. I won't care at all."

So I turned and came back.

I don't know what to tell the others. I don't know what to do.

I just don't fucking know.

Waiting

We've just been waiting these past few weeks. Waiting for Nightjar to return from wherever he went, waiting for orders from the Bleak Shore, waiting for something else to happen, for the other shoe to drop.

None of that's happened yet, by the way. We're all worried about Nightjar, about how they (whoever "they" are) might have found him and killed him. Yes, we can be killed, it's just harder than normal. And with Nightjar missing, Tern's making us all stay inside and is barricading the doors and windows. We've been stuck inside here for two weeks.

But I don't want to wait any longer. I don't care if I'm going to die, I just want for be outside.

I want to see the sky again.

There Was An Attack

We were attacked. The house and all of us inside it. I don't know by whom, but it must have been by the followers of another one of the Personifications, right? (I call them Personifications, but I guess I should really started referring to them as Fears? Even though I don't really Fear the Bright Ones at all.)

It happened last week. I really had been neglecting my writing duties, because I was still unsure of why I was following a Camper. He had already progressed to his ninth stage and, well, I didn't want to follow him anymore. He was...well, he was acting like a normal person. If I didn't notice the sheen of water on his hair or the slightly vacant expression in his eyes, I would never assume he was anything other than normal.

But I digress. (I do that a lot I guess.) Last week, I wanted to ask Nightjar again about following the Camper, but he wasn't home. Then, then there was a knock on the door. Tern opened it and he was hit immediately. By what? A flaming arrow. A flaming fucking arrow.

Right after, the front window burst open and several Molotov cocktails were thrown in. The house started to burn. Tern was lying limp on the ground, but I grabbed him anyway and pulled him away, back up the stairs. I probably wasn't thinking right, because I didn't pull out the arrow right away and let the Bright Ones out of Tern's body. Eventually, I got up to my bedroom and I threw open the window and looked outside.

There were men surrounding the house, men with flaming torches, like something out of Frankenstein. They could have been Campers, they could have been Puppets, I don't know. They looked like men. I finally tore the arrow out of Tern's body and some of the smaller Bright Ones flew out. I flipped open my pocketknife and made the hole wider and more of them came out. They started flying and attacking the men outside.

I unbuttoned my shirt and cut open my stomach as well. I usually like to open a smaller wound, but there wasn't time for the Bright Ones to come out slowly. They had to come out fast. I won't lie, it was painful. But soon the sky was covered by Them. They blotted out the stars themselves.

I went back to Tern and tried to determine if he was still alive. He was barely breathing. Then I went around looking for the others. Nightjar had been out, doing I don't know what, but Kestrel had been in the kitchen when the attack happened. I found her at the back porch. An arrow had gotten lucky and hit her in the eye, but she was still alive.

We're all still alive, but I don't know for how much longer. The Bright Ones killed all the men attacking us, so there was no one left to question. We left the house to burn to the ground and moved on to our backup location.

This was a coordinated attack. Is this why I was following the Camper? Are we at war with the Ichor?

I've been helping Tern and Kestrel recuperate. Kestrel will either have to wear an eyepatch or sunglasses whenever she's in public, though she says that she can see fine. The Bright Ones can lend her their eyesight.

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do now. Continued with following my targets? Does it make any difference?

Guests

We had guests in the house today. Two more Nests that were passing through on their way to do a job. Nightjar introduced them to all of us as the Mother and the Child - but I'm going to call them Ms. Harrier and Young Hawk.

I didn't really get a chance to talk to them. I doubt, actually, they talked to anyone. Young Hawk had a creepy grin on his face, though. Finally, they left to go do whatever assignment the Bright Ones had given them and I was glad to see them go.

But that left me with my other dilemma: the Camper I was observing. I asked for Kestrel's opinion, but she said not to push Nightjar, to just do the assignment without complaint. I suppose I can do that. I don't really have much of a choice - he's our leader. He can give me assignments just as the Bright Ones do.

I just wonder if this assignment is from the Bright Ones or from him personally.

There Is Another

So apparently there's another Nest with a blog out there. I have not met this "Faceless Bastard" and I do not wish to. For one thing, the colors on his blog make my eyes bleed. For another, I know that psychos have there roles as vessels for the Bright Ones, but I was always uneasy around them. They never seemed to be in it for the knowledge or the joy -- they just liked to kill.

I don't like to kill. I mean, I've done it before. It was necessary. But I felt sick. This was before the Bright Ones inhabited me. Before I was a Nest.

Anyway. Back to business. I'm still observing my three targets. Someone finally found Target Three, the Camper, and took them to a hospital. They are going through the Camper stages right now - probably around the third or fourth stage, I'm not sure.

I tried asking Nightjar why I'm observing a Camper, but he just told me to keep watching. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Three

So, uh, happy New Year. Sorry I haven't posted. I've been busy watching my three targets.

Target One still seems fine, although I think it's just a facade. I caught him looking at birds outside one day, just staring at them. He might have been trying to see which ones were the Bright Ones, I'm not sure. He didn't look scared, however. Perhaps he is a Candidate?

Target Two has gradually gotten more paranoid. She is avoiding birds at all costs, going out of her way, changing her route to work, et cetera. It is obvious she knows that the Bright Ones are following her. Does she know why?

And, well, the last one, the one Nightjar gave me on Christmas:

Target Three has not moved. At all. He is sitting motionless on his couch, not doing anything. I would think he is dead, except I can see his chest slightly rising and falling with his breathing. But he has not moved since Christmas. At first I thought that something was just wrong with him. But now I know:

Target Three is a first-stage Camper.

Why? Why is Nightjar tasking me with spying on a Camper? I'm pretty sure the Ichor already knows about us. It knows a lot of things. But he didn't task me to view a full-stage Camper, but a first-stage one. One that has no knowledge yet. Why?

Happy Holidays

We had a small little party today. Kestrel said she got Nightjar to approve it by telling him that the words "Merry Christmas" would never be uttered. She said we would sound like a political correct Wal-Mart. I asked her what she meant. She said never mind.

Anyway, we had a small party. Kestrel gave us all gift cards to Starbucks. Tern handed out bags of sunflower seeds (which we didn't really need, since we already have a whole lot). And I gave them pictures I had drawn of them. They seemed to like that. Well, Kestrel and Tern did. Nightjar just looked at his and then set it aside. He was busy drawing up some plans.

I checked in on my two targets: Target One celebrated Christmas fine. He doesn't seem quite that affected by knowledge of the Bright Ones. Target Two, on the other hand, has come down with an interesting case of paranoia. She was jittery, nervous, turning her head at every bird sound.

Nighjar just gave me a third target to keep watch on starting tomorrow.